Ironman Update

You can’t fake your way through Ironman training.  If you try, things will get ugly and the outcome won’t be what you want…

I’m paraphrasing my coach here.  Over the course of several email conversations about my training, or lack thereof, I was left with the choice.  I could do Ironman, but it would be hard to do much else, or I could recognize that maybe 2013 wasn’t going to be *my* year for Ironman and try to move on. 

Life was really different when I signed up for Ironman Coeur d’Alene.  I lived in a town I didn’t like, with a pool that I loved.  I was in a dying relationship with a guy who worked a lot and was home very little.  I had a job that paid better than I make now with a schedule I basically set myself.  My life was mostly: Work, Train, Sleep, Repeat.  Training was my escape, the thing I used to fill up lonely evenings so that I didn’t think about how fish-out-of-water I was feeling about my life.  Most evenings and many weekends it didn’t matter if I had hours of training on the schedule, because I didn’t have anyone around to notice I was off riding, running, or swimming.  And I didn’t care that I was spending hours off riding, running, or swimming, there was no one I was missing at home either. 

Then life changed.  The dying relationship ran its course, I moved, I changed jobs, and then changed jobs again.  I’m trying to make friends and am dating a nice guy.  Trying to do more than just work, train, sleep, repeat.  I like my job, but I make less money and can’t make my schedule quite like I use to.  I haven’t yet found a pool I love (and my lack of swim motivation isn’t helping, or vice versa).  I was half-heartedly working my way through the beginnings of Ironman training staying up late and getting up early (read: being exhausted All.  The.  Time.), missing workouts or only doing portions of them.  

So I talked to my friends and family… my coach.  I did some crying and then some soul-searching, mind-clearing trail runs and finally had to admit to myself…

2013 is not the year of Ironman for me.

I’m still training.  I’ve got Wildflower Long Course on the horizon.  Maybe Barb’s Race and another later season 70.3 like the Folsom LongCourse or Big Kahuna.  I’m getting better about getting quality sleep and not indulging in all the foods.  I’ve gained about 6lbs since my lightest, post-breakup weight, but I’m working on it. 

Not doing Ironman was a tough decision for me and come June 23^rd I will no doubt have mixed feelings on not toeing that start line.  But Ironman isn’t going anywhere.  This isn’t my ONE CHANCE TO BECOME AN IRONMAN.  I can’t think of this as a failure, but more as a change of direction.  I’ll race more this year than I ever have before, which will make me a stronger, smarter racer.  And when the time comes to commit to Ironman, I’ll be that much more ready.

Smile. Sweat.  Enjoy.

P.S. I have not yet officially withdrawn from IMCdA, and secretly wish I could get my shit together and pull it off, but the reality is that it is HIGHLY unlikely.  My training hasn't been there and the finances to get there and stay there are slim.  *Sigh*

Too Much Good Stuff

After a rough end to 2012, 2013 has, so far, been the year of open doors and varying opportunities.  I'm not ever always very good at making decisions.  Especially when there is no "good" option and "bad" option... they are simply different.  Lucky for me I have friends who remind me that I shouldn't focus on "WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOO?????" but to instead remind me to recognize all the oppotrunity I have before me and be thankful for it.

Honest friends send honest texts. :) Thank you Nick

Recently I've been slacking in a couple areas of my life that are important to me: Training is not as consistent as is should be, my eating is slightly derailed.  I have been dreaming about doing my first Ironman for YEARS, but now that I'm faced with the choice between an extra hour of sleep or that swim/bike/run... I always want to pick the sleep (or always want to stay up late and make up for it by sleeping in).  I want to do it aaaaalllllllll.  The social life and the ass kicking athlete life and the healthy/conscious eater life and the student life and the good employee life.

And I realize.. maybe that is what this space should be all about..  My struggle/failure/triumph at having/doing it all.  Enjoying time with the new guy in my life while still getting to bed early enough to make it to the 5am swim session.  Eating to fuel quality workouts without skipping all the social eating out that is happening.  Not being the old-lady-stick-in-the-mud for going to bed at 10 but still being rested enough to squeeze in double day workouts and a full workday when necessary.

So look for more here.  More life unfolding.  More choices being made and wherever this path may lead...

I've got TOO MUCH GOOD STUFF to not share. :)

Smile. Sweat.  Enjoy.

Wish No Ill-Will

Sometimes I'm not great with words... so this is going to be Pinterest-quote heavy because it seems to say it better.

2.5 months ago I made a big change because...

And then recently I got some news... but really... As one of my best friends keeps reminding me....

Because here is the thing -

So I wish no ill-will.  I want people to be happy - to find *their* happy.  Mine isn't in my past and big things are in my future....

 

A Year in Pictures -- 2012

These year-in-review picture posts I'm seeing everywhere are pretty fun, and I'm not one to be left out!  :)

January

I moved from Sacramento to a small town outside Bakersfield at the very end of 2011, January was all about settling into my new surroundings...

Running trails to explore...

With unpacking I learned that I have a problem with buying ALL THE HYDRATION SYSTEMS... and I don't like use any of them.

February

By time February had rolled around I had found a job and was feeling more at home than I had in MONTHS.  For Valentine's Day I was surprised with home cooked lobster tail and flowers. :)

 March

March flew by without much thought... although I did win a local 10K trail race... ;)

April

Santa came in April, as well as warm temps for Easter and a beautiful day in San Francisco...

Totally worth the wait.... She's so pretty!

Sequins AND pastel for Easter...

You couldn't ask for a more perfect spring day in San Fan... From my favorite little park in The City.

 May

For my birthday I got myself a fun new toy to go with the bike Santa brought me the month before.... ;)

June

Since Vineman 70.3 was really right around the corner I did a lot of training in June... with tan lines to show for it.. ;)

July

You may or may not know I ROCKED Vineman 70.3 for the second year in a row and seriously enjoyed myself along the way... and the recovery that followed.  ;)

Athlete wrist band.

Finish-line.  Still standing...

I  may or may not have indulged post-race...

And there was certainly some kicking back being done. :)

August

I did some post-race/vacation detox in August... Also went and had a heart to heart with my grandmother about things that were beginning to worry me...

I love my juicer...

Its weird to me that I would have never talked to her in life about these things, but now I find comfort in talking things out at her graveside...

September

I decided to take a leap of faith and register for this little thing called an Ironman...

October

I moved to the Silicon Valley while watching my SF Giants take it all the way to the World Series (and win it in STYLE) and then I went on a little drive... to Arkansas. 

Hold on to that feelin.....

Repping my Boys in Orange in LA Dodger country. ;)

Miracles happen...

My stowaways for the trip to Arkansas... Not great co-pilots when one is deaf, another is blind, and the third is deaf and blind... :)

November

When I got back from Arkansas I hadn't had enough time in the car, so I drove to Oregon... and then came back to the Bay Area, sat on the beach, and thought....

No better place to contemplate life...

December

I loved Oregon so much my first trip up I went up again to see if it was just a fluke.  Did more trail running and went up to the snow and tried to get a peak at Mt. Hood... Then Christmas...

I really love running in Portland.. Hope more of it is in my future...

Mt. Hood is supposed to be somewhere "out there."  It was a beautiful day regardless...

More trail running (I am beginning to notice a pattern) and then Christmas mimosas...

2012 hasn't been without its challenges and ups and downs, but overall I am thankful for the past year and all the growing I have done.

May you all have wonderful New Years celebrations (stay safe!!) and wishing everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR.  Cheers to 2013, may it be everyone's best year yet.

Sweat.  Smile.  Enjoy.

Tales from 2012: The (Sort of) Year Wrap-Up

Now that we are down to the final week of 2012 its easy to look back over the last year and contemplate.  2012 marks a year of big changes in my life outside of training, racing, running, triathlon, etc.  I've moved a couple times, had a relationship end, changed jobs (twice)... I've made the decision to go back to school (though actually going back will not happen until 2013) and gained some clarity about what I might want to do when I grow up. ;)  To sum up 2012 is nearly impossible because there are small details which have had great importance and influence along the way, but have likely been lost, forgotten, or gone unnoticed and wouldn't paint a full picture. 

BUT....

If I were going recap training, triathlon.... the #1 thing I would say is...

I HAVE MANAGED THE CHAOS.

Training consistently and making gains is hard work that takes time and dedication when life is running smoothly.  When life isn't running so smoothly training can sometimes take a backseat to all the other stuff.  Work, play, social life (what's that?), fights, the need to spend the day in bed just because.... they all pull you in a different direction, demanding your time and attention, and I think I've done a great job of managing it all.  I've made some great gains this year even with all the other "stuff" going on.

Melissa over at MelissaRuns.com posted a great "Best of" type blog that I'm going to steal.  It's important to remember the highs which seem to be often overshadowed by the lows.  The highs often are what keep us going.

1. Best Race Experience: Though I don't do a lot of racing, easily my best race experience of ALL TIME was Vineman 70.3.  If you haven't read my recap, I'll spoil the suspense... beyond my 68 minute PR, I learned so much about myself as a racer this year at Vineman 70.3.  I am not content in showing up at the start line and simply "making my way" to the finish line.  I want to RACE.  I want to compete.  It was a great set-up for racing in 2013.

2. Best Training:  I'm changing up the wording because... well... I don't just run.  And it's my blog.  :-p  Both the ride and run that come to mind I had the opportunity to do with other people.  Most of the time I am the "lone wolf" in training and I don't really mind it, but from time to time its nice to mix things up and have some company.  This ride was the finale to my Vineman 70.3 training and in hindsight couldn't have been a more perfect way to set me up for taper on such high spirits.

Great group of ladies to keep me company...

The majority of the traffic we encountered was of the 4-legged type.  COWS!

Ride took us through one of the older oil fields in the Bakersfield.  Bowing oil pumps.

The other that comes to mind was a run with a friend on a recent trip to Oregon.  I have recently fallen in love with Oregon and have SO ENJOYED running there (more to come on this later).  It was a short but got-my-ass-handed-to-me kind of run in which I tried to keep up with my faster guy friend sending me into tachycardia over a few miles of trails that never offered a lick of flat.  It rained, we ran, and then we polished off the better part of a chicken, pineapple, and jalapeno pizza after (as he said to me... don't judge until you've tried it).  :)

A little paved trail to start...

Even the bridges weren't level...

I could run here everyday and not be upset.

3.  Best Piece of New Gear:  This would have to be my new Brooks Pure Cadences.  Simply put... I LOVE THESE SHOES.  I recently picked up a pair of Pure Flows to do my shorter transition runs in, but the Cadences are the bread and butter for my feet.  A new pair of the Pure Cadence2 are in my future.  :)

4.  Best Piece of Training Advice I've Received:  Having a coach has been the best thing I have done for my training (have I said this before?).  Right before Vineman in two separate emails my coach said the following:

The work is done... Bring it on home!

For me its a great reminder that preparing for a race/event/life is not about one single workout (day at work/class/homework assignment/night on the town/etc) but instead it is about doing all the necessary work over time to be ready.  One bad/missed/cut short workout?  Not a problem as long as it doesn't become the norm.

5.  Most Inspiring Athletes:  There is absolutely no way I could pick a single athlete or even a short list of athlete's for this one.  Simply... I love athletes.  I don't care if you are doing 4:00m/m or 14:00m/m, being an athlete and giving it your all and consistently finding new limits for yourself is amazing. *BUT*  if I were going to make a list it would be as follows:

• Felog Family - If you are reading this and know what it means... yes, I do mean you.  Badass athletes and amazingly supportive (and gangsta Hosscake leader).  I'm thankful to be a part of the group.  I likely wouldn't be registered for IMCdA if it weren't for your inspiration... remember that in a few months when training isn't as "flexible" as it currently is and I'm cursing you.  ;)
• The HC - Again, if you are reading this and this means something to you... I MEAN EVERY ONE OF YOU.  :)  We all have our struggles, life's ups and downs, going in a million different directions... and you're still kicking ass and doing awesome things.  :)

6. If you could sum up your year in a few words, what would they be?
Consistent.  Overcoming.  Growth.  Change.

2013 has so much promise.  It will be a year of more change, more growth, more tears and uncertainty and likely another move.  There will also be joy and smiles, giggles and laughter, the start line of my first Ironman, and who knows, maybe new love.  IT WILL BE WHATEVER I MAKE OF IT.  Bring it on 2013, I am ready for what you've got. :)

Smile.  Sweat.  Enjoy.

What drives you to the wagon?

Of the women I know, nearly all are either on the wagon, trying to get back on the wagon, or actively trying to maintain so as to not need to worry so much about the weight loss wagon.  That is a lot of women concerned with the number on the scale going up or down... and that small numeric detail oftentimes has an enormous effect on our moods, motivation, and even our happiness.

But what drives us to lose weight?

Is it for health?

The media?

A boyfriend? Girlfriend? Spouse?  Mother?  Father?  Grandparent?

Is it to look "good" naked?

I recently had a conversation with a good old (guy) friend after I shared a recent picture of myself with him, and in response he asked me to go eat a cheesecake.  LOL!  This man (and bless his heart) is a BIG FAN of curves on a woman.  And he feels like I'm losing mine.  *light bulb* the definition of looking "good" naked is much like the saying -- Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
As the conversation continued I realized, and shared as much, that for the first time in my life.... I am not primarily working at losing weight for vanity reasons.  I don't care what a boy or my mom or the media might say... I look in the mirror and do more praise than criticism.  I comfortably wear a (typically) medium tee and size 28 Lucky Brand jeans (and fill them out quite nicely I might add) without wishing for a smaller size or a better fit or an idealized body that I may never realistically achieve.

But I am still on the weight loss wagon.....  Why you might ask?  Because my drive is athletic ambition.  I have dreams (whether I scream them from the rooftops or keep them quietly to myself) of making a run at qualifying for Kona one day.  Achieving a Boston Qualifying marathon time.  Running an ultramarathon and qualifying for the Western States Endurance Run.  I may find that I am not physically capable of achieving some or any of these goals.... but carrying around extra weight while trying to do so will only make it less likely.  As I see it, from my "ideal" racing weight to today's weight it's like I do all my training carrying a minimum 10 pound backpack.  All.  The.  Time.

The best part about not being on the weight loss wagon for vanity reasons...? I really have learned over the years to love myself.  Scale goes up, scale goes down, it has little impact on how my day is going to go -- truth be told, I have hopped on the scale the morning after pizza or Chinese food or Mexican (read: Salt Heaven) just to see HOW MUCH water weight I've managed to gain overnight.  I smile, I chuckle, and the move on with my day.

I've come to realize that the number on the scale has nothing to do with my intelligence, my sense of humor, my witty commentary, or my love for my friends and family.  I am not worth more as I weigh less.  I take pride in my training, the time and hard work I put into it, and the goal has nothing to do with the scale and everything to do with those dreams listed above.  I can only start from where I am today (like preparing for my first Ironman or planning my first marathon or thinking about my first ultra).

So, what drives you to the wagon?  Does it build you up or tear you down?

Tales from Training: My Essential Rain Running Gear

Whether you like to admit or not, winter is upon us and that means a change in training wardrobe for many (most? all?) of us.  Recently here in the San Francisco Bay Area we have had heavy (meh) rain (yay!) and wind (meh). 

Rain running is quite possibly one of my all time favorite kinds of running.  Now understand that I am not talking about 30+mph sustained winds and rainfall averages totaling more than 2" in a 24hr period like those who did the California International Marathon today experienced (can you say BAMF-ers??) but give me light to moderate rain with similar winds and I am one happy runner.

That said, I have 5 pieces of gear that make rain running so enjoyable and are essential to any runner looking to escape the dreadmill simply because it's gone a bit grey outside.

#5 - Lightweight rain resistant or rain proof jacket/shell or vest.  Just because it rains doesn't mean its going to be cold, so something lightweight is highly versatile and can be layered if extra warmth is necessary.  Currently I'm a fan of this Brooks Nighttime Essentials Run Jacket II, Brooks Nighttime Essentials Run Vest II, or Asics Reflector Jacket as they all have the added safety of keeping you visible in the short days of winter with reflective technology built right in.

Books Nighttime Essentials Run Jacket II

#4 - I could easily leave this with two words: Smartwool Baselayers.  Wool and wool blends are breathable, warm even when wet, and are available in a variety of weights/thicknesses so that you can find something that works if you consider cold 60* or 10*.  Often I forgo the rain jacket all together during warmer rain runs and just stick to my wool run gear.

 #3 - Here again Smartwool is a winner in my book.  Same as with the baselayers, wool and wool blend socks are breathable, stay warm even when wet, and are all around super comfy.  I wear these Hincapie Socks anytime I'm out in bad weather as casual socks simply because they are so darn cozy.  My feel love them.

#2 - Brimmed hat or visor to keep the rain out of my face.  Rain only seems to bother me if its directly hitting my face or getting into my eyes and a hat is the most simple solution to this problem.  I wear the same hats year around to keep the sun or rain out of my eyes.  ;)

#1 - The right attitude and sense of adventure.  To me, rain running is a privilege.  When bad weather has driven the average person indoors and/or to the gym it leaves me (you) to have the paths, trails, and sidewalks to ourselves.  Your pace might slow, you might have to dodge around some debris, but treat it as a obstacle course or agility test, not as a hindrance.  As a kid you likely would have given anything for the "green light" to go run through the puddles and leap over the river that has formed in the gutter, now is your chance to seize it.  You may come home dirtier than typical, dripping wet, and with a pace on your Garmin you are unhappy with, but it has been my experience that if you go into a rain run with a thankful heart, you come home with muddy legs but a light heart and little worry to what the Garmin says at all. 

So next time the radar looks like this:

Just prepare to come home like this:

 And you won't regret it. :)

Are there any rain running essentials you'd add to my list?