Monday, August 23, 2010

Restless...

I am visiting Troy in Taft this week... and feeling uneasy. Or restless. Or uneasy and restless. Or something. I'm not sure if its because all summer I have been kind of running all over the place, seeing people and working and going places and now I have a few days to just relax and it is just going to take me awhile to get used to the feeling or if it is just being here. In "their" house, which is what I think of it as. There is a big part of me that is kind of feeling like this was a mistake, to stay here when he is working. It just makes me notice even more... of them. Its not that I really want to pretend that he wasn't married, and that their split isn't still fairly new... I don't want to deny those facts, I guess I'm just feeling insecure in his desire or immediate ability to move on to another relationship. I really like Troy. I love Troy even. Its the new, exciting, still learning about each other kind of love, which is different from what I could feel for him a year from now... but I am on my way. And quite honestly I don't want to get my heart broken. Not that anyone ever does, but normally I am the person not wanting to hold back, not worried about my heart. I am a jump in with both feet kind of person when it comes to love. Normally. I not sure how to interpret this fear... other than maybe just my sanity... my normally realistic brain finally being heard when it comes to the well being of my heart.

I'm not really sure how I feel about my fears, but for now I'm just letting them float, and see what comes of them.

And for new topics...

My getting-back-into-it week last week:

Wednesday: 3.4 mile run, weights after. I was sore but it felt to good, and little knee pain.
Thursday: Took the dog for a walk, good to move the legs and the dog always loves a nice hour walk.
Friday: 3.2 mile run... WITH NO PAIN!!!!!!!!!!! No seriously, I didn't even want to think about it until after I got off the treadmill... didn't want to jinx it.
I took Saturday and Sunday off being here in Taft, so my body is feeling well rested.

This week's plan:

Monday: Took the dog for another walk on their small bike trail here in town, which was actually really nice.
Tuesday: Run the route I took the dog on a walk on Monday, I think its about 3 miles, and then do some strength training here at the house. Originally I had intended on going to Bakersfield and hitting the gym, but I need to be at the house for sign for Troy's truck toolbox that is being delivered so that changes my plans.
Wednesday: Take the dog for a walk again. I don't want to over do it with the running
Thursday: Run again, not sure if it will be at the gym or outside, but I want to get in another 3-ish miles and then strength training again.
Friday: Depends on where I am when I wake up, probably just a walk in Clovis, even though I won't have the dog, I'll want to stretch my legs out before the all girls extravaganza at Bass lake this weekend.

I'm just hoping that my head doesn't cause me to act like a complete psycho and really make a mess of things.

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