Saturday, January 22, 2011

Coming to an End

Well... the time is finally upon us (me) to go back to Sacramento, and back to school. I've spent the better part of the last 6 weeks staying with the boyfriend (T) as an experiment, I guess you could say. Since we live 5 hours apart it has been good to see if we can actually handle being around each other for more than just a couple days at a time. The things I've learned.... We are not the same person. I know this is obvious, but I struggle with not having the same views as him on some stuff (politics mostly, I'm left while he is...errrr... I'm having a hard time saying "right" haha). I've also realized in the past 6 weeks that while we might not have the same views, it is possible to be supportive without agreeing, which I really need to come to accept, and not try to fight it out with him (swallowing my pride here for a minute... I'm not more right or wrong than he is... *gulp*). Typically I'd say that fighting is a part of life. My opinion is that you are bound to fight with your parents, your significant other, even your friends at one point or another, and normally this doesn't bother me, but for whatever reason I hate, HATE, fighting with T. When we do fight I'm not only upset by the argument itself but after, its like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. In my past "The Talk" about breaking up has almost always followed a fight, so it has become my expectation. Its not a healthy way to live life. Afraid. I've got to get a grip on that.

The biggest thing I've learned: we can like each other for more than just a few days at a time. Yes we bitch at each other, and sometimes drive each other crazy (which is sometimes more amusing than upsetting), but we interact well together over the longer term. Even with this positive discovery I am also thankful -- or maybe relieved -- that I am returning home. I know that I am not ready yet to live with him. I'd bet he would say the same, but in reality all that matters is that I'm not ready. He is wonderful, and maybe, just maybe there is a long-term future with him, but I'm not ready to be any more than his girlfriend. I am often so caught up in worrying about the future that I forget to gut-check about how I'm feeling about the present, so this is a great realization for me. So while going back to Sacramento will be bittersweet, its far better than if I were staying. :)

Related to going back to Sac: I get to start swimming with the Sierra Marlin's Masters team! I haven't swam in an organized group since high school, so it will be great to get some instruction on technique and to have someone on deck pushing me harder than I'd normally push myself. With that said I am terrified of dying after the first practice. I haven't been in the pool in over 6 weeks....! But I've got to start somewhere. I've planned on doing 2 workout/week for the first 2 weeks and then adding in a 3rd after. The way the workouts are planned with this Masters swim group is they do short-course M/W/F (25 yds) and long-course T/Th (50 meters). I'll do 2 short course and one long a week once I'm in the swing of things. Depending on how I'm feeling come April, I'll add in a Saturday swim from time to time.. who knows. I am so excited to get into the swing of things with training. Training schedule is made through March 20th and I think I will see a lot of fitness improvement between now that then.

Make Life Fun,
Ashley

No comments: