Truth is I'm starting to feel like I'm back in diet-mode again, and I'm not liking it. For me diet-mode is not a happy mode. Its a when I begin to label foods as "good" or "bad" and when I eat the "bad" foods I inevitably begin to view myself as "bad" too. In the past week (or 2, or 3, or whatever) I've been more critical of me. I look in the mirror and see only the things I don't like. I'm picking out the flaws and ignoring the rest. And then mentally beating myself up for doing things that might change these flaws.
Ugh I have such unattractive legs, they wouldn't be so unattractive if I hadn't eaten X, Y, or Z
See it really doesn't matter what X, Y, or Z is... Last week in my 3 tri sports I covered over 75 miles in just shy of 10 hours over 9 workouts. I never had an out of control binge moment with food. Did I eat "less than healthy" foods, yes. I had potato chips and crackers, I even had 2 sodas! But I also burned over 6,000 calories! The logical part of my brain recognizes that I am not a slob, or a glutton, or whatever other terrible adjective I sometimes tell myself I am. I am not lazy. It is OK my eating isn't always perfect. But this is all the logical part of my brain.
The irrational, emotional, insecure part is making me miserable.
And something has gotta give, because I don't like feeling this way. I'm not sure what I'm going to do next, I might stop counting calories and focusing on getting in a certain fruit/veggie amount each day and call the rest good. There is a part of me that wants to wait until after stepping on the scale tomorrow morning before I decide. Which probably also isn't the best attitude either. But I will wait for tomorrow, good or bad the scale will read what it reads. In the meantime I'll do some thinking and decide what is best for me.