Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Mantra... Tuesday (night)??

Sometimes we find what we need even when we aren't looking for it.  How I always manage to forget this fact is beyond me, but I just had a pleasant reminder come my way via Shrinking Jeans this evening.
My sciatica hurts still, I'm a day away from being done with the semester, I still live 300 miles away from Troy, I still live 200 miles away from my cousins, I'm broke, I don't have an internship lined up for the summer yet, because I don't have an internship lined up for the summer yet I haven't lined up a job, one of my most favorite people in the world had major surgery last Friday to remove colon cancer that they found in her liver, ovaries, and colon, I hate our weather, I hate cancer, I can't run more than 3.5 miles without it feeling really HARD, my living situation (though I'm thankful) still stresses me out...... should I go on?

I am currently overwhelmed and I need to remember....

Breathe...

Everything is going to be alright.

One step at a time...

Where do you need to start?

I'm feeling a little disconnected recently, and in the past day have come to realize its not because no one is talking to me... its because I'm not talking to anyone.  I'm feeling so overwhelmed by some things in my life that I've subconsciously decided that its easier to put my head in the sand and act like everything is totally ok, than face the worry, fear, stress, or whatever other emotion I may be experiencing at any given moment.

And what is bothering me the most...?  If I had to pick one, I'd say its my sciatica and the related inability to run without pain and/or weakness that has made my runs so mentally and physically draining the past few weeks.  And if I can't run, how am I supposed to do the international distance tri I have planned for the first weekend in June?  Or more importantly Vineman in July?  If I can't run how do I train, and if I can't train how will I ever get to the start line, let alone the finish line.  HOW?  

*sigh*  I've got what I would consider a high tolerance for pain, but this is simply draining and leaves me completely unmotivated for any workout I have on the books.  I can't afford to be unmotivated anymore... Vineman 70.3 is 2 months from today..... 2 months.  

So I need to snap out of it.  Today's run actually didn't hurt, it only ached which is a vast improvement.  I need to keep stretching, keep sitting on that fraking tennis ball (ouch!), and most importantly I need to stop assuming that this is going to keep me from getting to the start line, because if I believe it, it will.  

So tomorrow I swim.. and stretch and tennis ball... and maybe even get in a bike ride (trainer or outside, we'll see if mother nature stops being a cranky b!tch).  Have advice?  I'm all ears!

"Beatings will continue until morale improves"
and by beatings I mean tennis ball sitting. ;)

2 comments:

Brooke said...

i have no advice. its hard not to let training difficulty effect you mentally as well.

as for feeling disconnected - get your ass back to twitter and email!!! :P

Bari said...

"Let the beatings begin" - sit your arse on that tennis ball and keep stretching, but most of all, believe that you will be at those starting lines. Cuz you WILL.