Thursday, November 15, 2012

Tales from Living: Changes and Transition

I've moved.

I drove to Arkansas and back in 7 days (1800+ miles each way).

3 day later I decided to drive to Portland (650+ miles each way).

I've quit my old job and found a new job.

I haven't been in the pool in weeks and took more than 2 weeks off the bike.  I've run in Folsom, CA, Albuquerque, NM, Prairie City, AR, Portland, OR, and Santa Clara, CA in the past 3 weeks (and often my Garmin wants to flip me the bird when its trying to sync with satellites).

Things change, plans change, places change.

I CHANGE.

Nearly a year ago I was looking forward to my very last (EVA!) set of finals for school.  Bachelors of Science in Kinesiology was all I wanted or needed at the time.  I just wanted to be done.  Wanted to move on to the next part of my life (the part where I might make a little money).  Now I'm looking at graduate school.  Thinking about preping for the GRE totally stresses me out... and what if I don't get into any programs?!  But the last year has made me realize that likely what I want to do in life is going to require more education.  And if it isn't a little sick and twisted, I'm looking forward to the science classes again.  Microbiology?  Yes please!  Advanced Exercise Physiology?  I'm ready.  Quite simply, a year ago I was burnt out and run down by life and school and something was going to give... change... go.  And school was at the top of that chopping block.

Life is, and recently has been especially, UNPREDICTABLE.  Just when I think things are moving in a particular direction or making sense in a particular way or fashion, something new, exciting, and maybe even a little scary pops up.  I'll admit to not always being good at rolling with the punches, but I'm trying.  I have laughed and cried, and laughed until I cried.  I have reached that unreasonable stage of sleep deprivation where everything is bigger and heavier than it should be, could be, and to my relief a good nights sleep set the world back on straight (at least as straight as it will ever be).  I had the chance to drive back to Arkansas solo and spent long stretches of open road with the radio off and being only with my thoughts and the unending line of pavement stretched out before me, and discovered that my own internal space is not such a bad place.  I'm confused and easy to distract sometimes, but I mostly have good feelings and thoughts about the future and am excited to see how things shake out.

This is a happy realization.  I've changED.  Before, whenever I'd stop and listen to myself, all I'd hear was negative.  I didn't like this, that, or the other thing.  But I'm optimistic.  I'm thankful.  I have amazing people and opportunities around me.

Change is scary, but inevitable.  And I'm doing my best to embrace it all right now.

For whatever reason I recently can't get this song out of my head, but its fitting, no? ;)


So now I'm trying to find a new routine in a new place and settle in a least a little bit.  Can't be too unsettled and train for my first Ironman, now can I? ;)

2 comments:

Brooke said...

sleep is manditory for proper perspective. {{{{{hugs}}}}} love ya!!

Bari said...

((hugs)) If we don't change, we stagnate. Roll with it but make sure you get some sleep. You'll need it for IM training!