Sunday, August 25, 2013

1 Week Down, 14 To Go....

Sometimes I feel like I only write when I'm sad.  When life isn't going my way or I've been upset by something or yadda yadda yadda.  I do not enjoy being sad or upset.  I don't like letting people see they get to me and when it happens it really makes me more upset.  Mad.   Maybe I write because I need to get some thoughts out.  I linger on things.  I have a certain sense of... fairness.  And when I feel like things are unfair, for whatever reason, it take me while to let it go.  To convince myself that "life isn't fair."  So tonight I'm nearly back to convincing myself that life isn't fair.  That keeping my poker face on and my hand safely tucked away is what one might call "best practice."  I'm not quite there, but I'm getting close.

A week ago I was full of motivation and positive thinking and all those warm and fuzzy things that you get when you are ready to get sh!t done.

But then work and stress and life and hormones (sorry guys!) happen and not much else gets accomplished. 

I mean.... things did get done.  I worked a ton, had Thai for the first time, worked some more.  Training got done.  I swam (miracle!), I ran, I biked.  I got to ride with friends again on Friday... 30 miles with 2500+ ft of climbing. 

Sadly I forgot my Garmin for the ride.  What I know without the magical data device is it was slow going up and FAST going down.  Oh what a ride.  On the decent I kept my fingers mostly off the brake levers and just let it fly.  Racing down the hillside I realized just how much I really love riding my bike when I get it off the trainer from time to time.

The problem is life happens.  I care too much, take things to heart, and when things don't go to plan I take that personally too. 

So when I get workouts done and eat "the way I should" - great!  When I soothe hurt feelings with ice cream or opt the extra hour of sleep because I'm just not yet ready to take on the world - I'm giving myself a pass for the moment.  I mean, let's be serious... ICE CREAM IS DELICIOUS AND SLEEP IS AWESOME.

I'm taking a 3-day weekend.  The break will do me some good and I kicked it off right this morning with a really nice 5-mile run.  Since I am away from home I will run again tomorrow, along with some strength training, and run again Tuesday  morning before heading home and cycle when I get home. 

I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend.  Head up, chin up.  Put a smile on your face regardless of how you feel on the inside - it seems to help.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

15 Weeks

A couple days ago I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed and came across the following picture.  Please keep in mind, this is NOT (no really, not) me.

This is a friend of a friend.  I met her once, several years ago, so it was really interesting to see the before/after.  Her transformation is nothing short of awesome and she should be proud of what she has done.

Seriously, she looks freaking amazing.

But I scrolled past, closed the app, and went along my way aka opened Twitter and wasted time on there.

Twitter is never wasted time -- just so we are clear.   

So, this morning -- This morning I went back and re-found this picture.  15 weeks.  A lot can happen in 15 weeks.  A lot can be accomplished.  I found the picture and then went to the calendar.  Today happens to be 15 weeks until California International Marathon, CIM.  I registered for this race several weeks back but I haven't talked about it much.

Maybe because it feels like its a long ways away.  CIM is December 8th.  Its 90* here today and there is essentially an entire Fall season that we have to go until I toe the start of my first marathon.

Realistically I probably haven't talked about it much because I have really only made it to 1 race start yet this year.  I've talked about Wildflower Long Course, IM Coeur d'Alene, and Paso Robles Harvest Marathon last fall.  I'm meant to train for these races, making it to the start line was "in the plans" --

It just didn't actually happen.  Shit happens sometimes.  My past year has been full of shit.

But I've got 15 weeks to make this start line.  15 weeks to make the right choices, the choices I want to make even when they "aren't the most fun" or the "most glamorous" -- let's be honest, 5am wake-ups are rarely either.

For me, the next 15 weeks isn't really about weight loss, looking better naked..... its not really even about the marathon.  It's about re-finding my happy self.  Last year I went into Vineman 70.3 happier than I'd ever been before.  Happier with being the truest version of myself I had ever been.  I worked a lot (which I actually enjoy), trained a lot (which I also actually enjoy), and did most of it without guilt or regret.  I was proud of the choices I was making far more days than not.  This is not to mean that I am really unhappy.  Most days I enjoy my life.  I work at a cool job, with good people.  I am blessed. 

I just don't always feel like myself.  Like the girl I was a year ago.  And I like that girl.

And its about freaking time I bring this girl back to life.

This week started me off on the right foot.  Next week I am headed back to the pool (finally)...

The highlight was Friday's 35mi bike ride with 7 of my coworkers.  I really do love my job and the people I work with.

3 girls, 5 guys -- one of which rode his mountain bike the whole way -- 35 freaking miles!.  Dude is STRONG.

15 weeks.  So much can happen. :)